ground control to major tom

i like to externalize and personify my depressive episodes.

it is this deity, this force that compels me to be studious

it’s a tax collector with his doberman, an anchor that brings me back down from the cosmos.

in this way i have come to love it like one would love their disciplinarian.

i’m much more effective when im subdued anyway, much more focused.

“a touch of prescience”

yes i know, what a horrible letter.

i’ve been brought back to the altar

i was allowed to forget temporarily

but now i’m reminded that there really is in fact, nothing to laugh about

i’m being reminded of the way things really must be

i’m aware there’s no way out

there’s no way to escape my fate

there are simply too many damning and devastating facts of my reality

all individually dark and tragic enough on their own

their sum cements my doom

it was nice to forget for a while that i’m a dead man walking

the harsh boundaries of my physicality obfuscate any silver linings

any hope i had for the future

as the kids say

it’s so fucking over

hell is real

“so was love.”