Dead body on the train.

I stumbled upon a body last night. On the train back home from work. What disturbed me wasn't seeing it, but rather my reaction. I truthfully found the event to be amusing, especially when the first responders came running. I spoke to a therapist this morning about it. They said trauma sometimes forces people to shut off in that way, makes them unable to experience empathy normally. I knew that already, I know that about myself. Its rare that I'll experience empathy, guilt, remorse.

There are times when I think I do, then I'll realize: 'If I was truly sorry or guilty,| wouldn't do it again, but I do, tens of times over.' The therapist said its something it's something we can work on. I hope I can be fixed. I dont like this ugliness, I want to make and be surrounded by beautiful things.

Anyway, I got many flowers, cut and pressed them into that book, ‘A Cold Welcome’

Beautiful.