Gay Clowns From Oklahoma
Some days after work it feels like my hips are falling out of their sockets. Who knew being a pastry chef would be such a physically demanding job huh? I like it though, I feel like I’m supposed to work the fuck out of my body most days. Put it to good use and disintegrate it via good,honest work.
That’s the thing too, I’d rather die this way than as a shill for some fucked up megacorp. I seem to always be talking about dying huh?
Next week I’ll be streaming again,been planning that out, doing time sheets and I’ve been doing budgets and planning things out and digitizing my brain into my PC to help with that. Effectively I’m being a responsible adult. It’s a strange experience, I don’t think I imagined living this long in the first place, and now I’m calculating my taxes. In a way it’s the kind of life I was somewhat afraid of living. I’ve always been enraptured with the image of waking up without a schedule, spontaneous travel and that sort of thing. I did it for a long while, and was a little bit miserable if we’re being honest. I realize I completely neglected the quality of my close relationships. Yesterday I went out with my neighbor/friend and her partner. We had pretty mid food actually but after 3 very large drinks we didn’t much care. We flirted with our waitress who turned out to be a gay clown from Oklahoma (yes seriously) and once we got home and recovered from drinking we played some games of league together, I did really well! It was all very good, I felt complete. It’s a different sort of high than I get when I’m on 3 planes in as many days and sleeping on foreign beds yknow? I’m trying to lean more into the things I’m scared of.
Had 24 perfectly good cupcakes get rejected today because the frosting wasn’t pretty enough! My friends and I enjoyed them at home just the same.
Anyway, sleepy and rambling. I just wanted to say, today wasn’t super fun, I woke up a bit sour and didn’t have the energy for talking or people or any of it. But still, despite it all, “Life is good though”
