I.N.R.I

  I love punishment,I really do. Punishment means there is order, and justice, and consequences. 

Well actually it doesn’t guarantee those things at all, maybe just the idea of them. 

Today I made a couple hundred cakes and pastries. I was on my feet for about 9 hours, my back is shredded, my feet are screaming, I was burned so many times and god the burns sting but, I feel good. I’m happy even, it hurts good. I earned the hurt. 

I’m sure I’m some sort of sadomasochist already, but stuff like this is different. Or maybe not so much, I have always enjoyed the idea of hiring someone to beat me up a little bit. I gotta tell ya, I’m scared to write these blogs sometimes because I’ve started talking to people romantically again and I’m afraid of the day they inevitably find this and read just how cooked my brain is. At the same time however, I wouldn’t feel good censoring myself for such a reason, so back to our regularly scheduled program. 

It’s not just physical either. I think the key to it all is a sort of spiritual masochism. If you can learn to appreciate or even enjoy your suffering, there’s a strong argument to be made that you’re very close to attaining enlightenment, whatever that means! 

Anyway, I’m very sleepy. I had a bunch of stuff to say about learning about this hindu concept often illustrated in their art, where this one god and a goddess(?) or perhaps one of his concubine, they are in the middle of what seems to be some sort of battle, as they are stood directly upon the heads of the figures of two other Hindu  gods I’m forgetting the names of (please forgive me) They are in the middle of battle against these other forces, and they are having sex! Very calmly, very sturdy, right in the middle of fending off these massive “demons” It signifies something about unity and conquering ego so on and so forth. I hate to be so reductive, vulgar and obtuse about it, but when I heard the story, I thought, “that’s it! that’s how I like to fuck people!” Anyway, I’m too sleepy to get into all of it now, goodnight everyone.

Oh, they are called Shakti & Shiva.

Goodnight everyone.