Telling Avalokiteshvara that I have no enemies.
About a year or two ago I became really obsessed with this mythical figure, Avalokiteshvara, to the point where like if I ever did have a child, I would try to name it that! I’d probably only get away with making it a middle name heh. I hope I’m not being disrespectful by having such an idea, I just really love the figure. Also I imagine saying it all the time
“AVALO PLEASE DO YOUR HOMEWORK!!”
“AVALO YOU HAVE TO EAT YOUR VEGETABLESSSSS!!!!”
Then I’d chase the kid around with some broccoli yknow? Imagining it makes me laugh.
When I saw the new spider verse movie there was a moment where a character remarked about seeing a life where he had a family and how desperate he was for that, and another character mentioning that he had a kid in hopes of raising it to be a wonderful person the way his friend was. The movie was hard for me to sit through in a lot of moments, having thoughts about my lack of ability to have children. I have a lot of doubts that I would ever be a good parent anyways, dark and broody Anikichad after all!
Anyway yeah, I came across avalokiteshvara the buddhist figure some way or another, but I mostly remember that s/he is depicted as either male or female and I liked that, but what I really liked was this thing they said about the East Asian translation of Avalo, Guanyin. She is known as the goddess of compassion, and what really strikes me, is they say, within her presence is one of the few places it’s societally acceptable for men to openly cry in China, as she is like everyone’s mother.
Iiiii REALLY love that anecdote. If I had to choose one deity to dedicate my life to, it would be them! I want to be compassionate in the same way! I really do! From what I’ve been told about myself fairly recently however, I’m quite the opposite. I’m told that I punish people quite intensely if I ever feel they’ve slighted me, and even before that person said it to me, I knew that was true about myself. “Holding on to the anger, makes me who I am! I cannot forgive nor forget!!”
These sort of thoughts yknow?
These last few days however, it’s become abundantly obvious to me how blessed and lucky I am despite being SUCH a wretch. That I can’t do a single thing by myself! That no matter what, whether I’m aware of it or not, I’m relying on the work of someone else in some way or another. And on top of it all, I desperately want to be forgiven for my sins and transgressions.
I cannot in sound mind look at all of that, and still punish another person, or even squash another bug.
I am so undeserving of all this luck, all this favor, all this blessing. How could I not extend the same to anyone else when I’m in the position to do so?
I!
I have no enemies!
