Lucretia, my reflection.
Simone, Winny, Holly, Clementine, Charlotte, Zelda, Quinn.
These are among some of my favorite names. I always thought if I had daughters I would name them some of these names. Charlotte and Clementine especially. Probably not Holly though, as I had spent a good chunk of college being in love with one Holly McGrath, aka Ms “Sunshine and ravioli!!” as I once heard her say. We were speaking once in the campus cafeteria when I told her we all felt she was an absolute dime. She seemed genuinely surprised to hear this. The thing is, not only is she incredibly, way beyond beautiful, she’s was also always an incredibly kind, and personable human being. The worst part of it all, is that her boyfriend also seemed like a genuinely cool guy. I was fond of him even.
She was just great, and I was at my worst. She makes wedding gowns now.
Lucretia is another one of those names I like, rather unique one that. There’s a cockroach out there named Lucretia, I gave her that name. She lives in a proof box for a bakery I worked at. A proof box is a machine, large enough for several people stand in. It’s effectively a room that creates ideal conditions for yeasts in breads, bagels. biscuits, etc to rise in.
No lights in there it was warm, dark and moist. Perfect environment for a cockroach maybe. I remained curious as to whether anyone else had ever seen her, I like to think not.
I’d hope the people I worked with would care more about the cleanliness of the place enough to get that sorted out.
In my head cannon Lucretia would come out only to greet me, and remain hidden from everyone else, because she knew I was the only one who wouldn’t kill her, or tell on her for squatting. I often wondered if Lucretia missed the outside world at all, but then again, if I had a cozy, dark place with my favorite weather conditions, where people who would be kind to me would visit occasionally, where I didn’t have to worry about any dangers outside, I’d probably never want to leave either.
Though, the walls of the proof box are metal, and given how dedicated I’ve become to hiding from my reflection, that’s somewhat of a deal breaker.
It’s began again, I-
Oh christ, there’s so much more I need to tell you! About gehenna and the original depictions of hell and the sunrise this morning and the miscarriage and my writer friends and their habit of describing people as certain motifs but
the chemicals are taking me already, I’ll physically be incapable
of typing very soon but at the least I’ll be able to sleep for a few days and then it’s back to work.
For the record, they said mine was “penance motif”
