Snail soup, lucozade, saltines, sugar cane the blanket is too thick. Help!

 I feel sick, something is wrong. Maybe sleep deprivation, maybe too much sugar and salt, but also it might be stress or anxiety or all of it. Yesterday I turned off the stream cus it was one of those days where I especially couldn’t handle seeing my face. I made a video about it today. I think acknowledging it and speaking it out loud may have brought it to the surface. I think thats what's making me sick. 

Part of the video today involved using a clip of Etika, I instantly had tears in my eyes thinking about him. Four years already? What? I had thought earlier today about the subject of my video “this thing is gonna take me out, thisll be the thing that actually does it” 

But every time I’m reminded of his passing, the pain the memories bring reinforce the idea that I can’t do that to anyone

Oh man

Something is really wrong

Oh man

“Go to the hospital instead of writing a blog idiot!!!” my brain is yelling at me.

This happens often though, I feel like this frequently and I’m always okay eventually so I’d rather not go wrack up more hospital bills. I still have yet to pay off all of my other ones from nearly dying this january heh. 

Every time I’m extremely sick, I crave pepper soup with dried snails in it. The way my mom made it.

Something is wrong.

Something

they said bellsprout looks like that because it’s always

it’s always late to catch the bus

something is really wrong but that’s still making me laugh

isn’t that funny?