Leng.
I think I fucked up two important cake things last time I was at work so I’m a bit scared to go into the bakery tomorrow! It’s been three days since then, I just felt so awful I did a rush job of things and left. Is what it is, hopefully it’s been long forgotten in the hullabaloo of the last three days but unfortunately I’ve been told I'm not an easily forgettable person, and by extension neither are my mistakes so we’ll have to see! I hope I don’t get fired!What I need is a left handed scoop! I’d be much more efficient with that, I could use both hands! Rent will be due in like 2 weeks and I just spent a decent chunk on a new graphics card for the PC so as I can keep streaming! I just can’t do without it! I’ve gathered some of my online friends who stream and such to make group content with, working through the list and scatter graph of all the stuff I had planned to do.
Started doing research on the history of cultural biases against left handed people as I’m a bit obsessed with the subject and want to make a video about it. I was born a lefty and because if cultural & religious factors I was abused and forced into using my right hand dominantly and to this day there’s something in me that needs to get back to being a lefty full time. If that makes sense. I thought it was just a christian thing but nope, all around the world unique cultures all sort of decided “fuck left handed people!” of course there were plenty that also thought it was a very special or magical thing, apparently 90% of the world is right handed. Boy do I feel special! It’s led me to think about how simply by being in the minority of any given group of people, you will be subject to treatment as “other” to ridiculous degrees. It was quite a big problem in japan apparently. I read an anecdote about women there being afraid of being divorced if their husbands found out they were left handed. Isn’t that insane? imagine loving and being married to someone but having to worry they’d leave you because you’re a lefty. There are so many moments I look back in history and think, “how fucking stupid!” of course that then leads me to think about what we’re doing now in the present that I will look back on one day and think the same about. Frequently I’ll be flash banged by my own memories of a time I was so stupid or cringe or whatever and like scream in the shower yknow?
You can’t know though in the present when you’re being stupid I suppose, otherwise you most likely wouldn’t be doing it! So there’s nothing to do but accept that. Did I mention in yesterday's blog ? I thought my computer had crashed entirely, despite updating some parts it still couldn’t handle streaming and running a game. I figured oh well, guess I’ll just have to give up on streaming, but I just couldn’t sit in that and started troubleshooting with the help of a program a friend recommended. Turns out I’d been putting the heavy work on to my CPU instead of the graphics card itself, on top of that, the graphics card was apparently outdated. It’s such a simple thing, hell I even went to school for this kinda stuff, and yet I made such a dumb mistake! Twice in the last two or three years, on separate dates with separate people, the person I’m on the date with has made the comment “you’re a bit of an airhead/himbo” I would always be slightly offended because so much of my ego is based in this idea that I’m fairly smart yeah? Nowadays however, I can certainly see
and accept why they’d say that. Not only that, but I’m kinda happy about it? It makes sense to me! Yeah I can read any book and immediately spit out some diatribe about its philosophical implications or whatever, but I also can’t seem to figure out how to follow a gps to get somewhere down the street so it is what it is innit? balanced out!
Anyway today was a good day yeah? Tryin to work on this thing yeah? where I just sort of radically accept whatever is going on and leave it at that. Ah she hasn’t texted back in a few hours? I accept it that’s all, ahhh the video I posted only got 80 views, alright instead of deleting it i’ll leave it alone and accept it. ykwim? nothing new or original but I just wanna see how it works out. I’ll keep you lot updated
Also gonna start working on how to set up a forum for the website so we can have that instead of a discord server yeah? Think that’ll be fun.
Hope you lot reading this are okay, truly. One of you commented that these blog posts are your favorite of all my creative outlets. Really, that means the world to me. I’ve always felt a need to express myself as close to pure honesty as I can to someone, and this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to that, so for you to like it means that you truly like me, even the ugly parts.
That’s really sweet of you. Honey never spoils, I’ll remember it.
