Lord, please forgive me for not walking three more blocks.

   I went on a date tonight. It was a wonderful time, she’s very funny, incredibly beautiful, obviously smart. Truly don’t know how I keep ending up involved with such people. When we kissed,I pulled her in closer by the small of her back. My body reacted immediately. I thought that was very funny. What punctuated my night however, was the homeless man I half heartedly attempted to help. I was gung ho when he solicited us initially, if I have, I will give. That’s truly not a signal of any sort about how great of a person I must be, you all know I think quite the opposite of myself. It’s just the way I am, if I have, I will give. I often got in trouble with money because of this. 

   He knew where all the ATMs were, the first one he suggested didn’t work, so I sent my date off on her train home, and then walked with the homeless person down the block to the citibank ATM on a corner somewhat far away. I told him it said on my phone that the ATM was closed, but he was very insistent, so off we went. Of course, when we got there it was closed.

“Can we try another one it’s only 3 blocks away”

When I looked on my phone, of course it was also closed. 

“I’m sorry man I really gotta get home” 

He refused all of my repeated offers to get him some food, or to take the takeout I had in a bag. He mentioned burritos specifically, but also refused my offer to buy him those, from the mexican restaurant down the street. Seemingly the only restaurant still open for the night. He must have wanted the money for something else. 

   As I departed, he followed me for a few minutes,doing his best to walk on his bad leg, screaming after me. 

“EXCUSE ME SIR!”

“HEY! HEY SIR” 

He had just been telling me what a “good dude” I was. I didn’t feel very much like one as I ignored his shouts. 

If I was him, I’d hope someone would walk the three extra blocks. Keep a slow pace on account of my bad leg, maybe even make some conversation. 

I didn’t do any of that though, and I had just been talking to my date about how much the homeless crisis always gets me fired up. 

Hypocrite. 

I’ve been toying with the idea of going back to the church lately. I’ll never truly believe, but I just miss the atmosphere. 

How would I pray? 

“Lord, please forgive me for not walking the three extra blocks just to try the ATM. Even if he just wanted the money for drugs, I’ve done drugs too!” 

I feel like I’ve lost the right to ask anyone else for any favors on my behalf. 

I didn’t walk the three extra blocks. 

I lost him after I crossed the street at the light. Couldn’t hear him yell anymore. I was busy thinking about how hot my date was anyway, and how soft her lips were.  I also thought “he just wanted the money for drugs”

the other me said

“nigga YOU do drugs”

it’s not fair that my night was so great and his was so awful. There are more empty homes than there are homeless people in America, did you know that?

Just three blocks.