yea it’s calm over here

met with the shrink from my childhood.

i see her at seemingly key chapter markers in my life.

first time i was put in a loony bin in middle school, second time after i dropped out of high school, this makes three.

i figure if im moving in circle she’s a nice punctuation point. start and end.

she’s strict, fights back, doesn’t let me get away with horseshit, doesn’t fall for the charisma. I like that about her.

says she remembers that first relationship i was in. says i always seemed ambivalent about it. says i always had one foot out the door. its true.

i explain to her that i was really desperate to experience a relationship, to be in love, yadda yadda, but i didn’t really care. didn’t really love the dame, but she drove me crazy and that was better than nothin. told her i really wanted to play the role of “boyfriend”, but beyond that, no real substance to the thing, so yeah, always had more than a foot out the door.

shrink asks me what my plans are for the future.

tell her i dont got none, just floatin about. only thing that matters to me is going cool places and eating stuff i like. say i hope i get run over by a bus or somethin at some point. hoping i die not in that im sad or sufferin

just hard to live life when you got nothin, no one, to anchor ya.

nothin really ever goes to plan anyway so.

to be bored while killing something

where do you go from there?

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The Merciful

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Talking about you in therapy