Incheon Airport

I’ve been a pretty vocal kpop hater for a long time now. From the way the industry treats its artists to the way the culture over all is so vehemently racist and anti black yet INSISTS on stealing and commodifying black culture. I’ve got a pretty big chip on my shoulder about it, but here I am, in the dead of night, scrolling through tens of pages to find the perfect kpop wallpaper video.

I’m setting the PC up for her and her roommate to use. I can’t travel with it and I’ve been wanting to eventually build a new set up someday down the line, however many months or years that takes . I’ve just been replacing parts in this PC I’ve had for god knows how long now. It’s pretty powerful yknow, RTX 3070 Super. Beast of a card, sure will be able to run the sims and stardew valley and civ 6 for them no sweat lmao.

I don’t know shit about fuck when it comes to BTS, but I’m here watching through all their music videos to find one that would make for a perfect wallpaper, I have strict criteria yknow?

A live performance of a song of theirs called Black Swan. The stage and lightning is very dark, the artists are all dressed in black, they all have their solo moments of singing and dancing so that the girls can see all their favorites in rotation, the video is very artfully shot and loops perfectly.

It’s everything I ever wanted for a wallpaper for them. Yknow in middle school I had a kpop phase actually with BIGBANG and 2NE1. I never got anywhere near as into it as these two seem to be, and nowadays I sneer at it even but, laying in her bed and seeing allllll these posters and cds and figures and photocards so on and so forth. Well I’m not familiar with this feeling.

I… like that she’s so into it? that it makes her so happy. And I don’t ever catch myself judging, berating, or looking down on her for it. It’s not for me but she cares about it a ton so if I can make her happy with it then I want to….this is new.

2 Years ago I would argue and judge and punish and call things silly and childish etc etc. Sort of the same energy with the last fight I had with my ex wife. She said something was important to her but to me it seemed silly, stupid, so I argued with her about it and we fell apart. It was only afterwards that I had the thought, “if it’s important to them then, that’s really all there is to it right? no matter what you think of it, if they’re important to you and it’s important to them, you’ll do what you can to accommodate or tolerate at least, right?”

Why couldn’t I have come to that realization a day sooner huh?

Well anyway, I guess this means I’ve changed. Even if it’s nothing crazy important or big in the grand scheme of things. I changed. I became a tiny bit better.

This realization has brought tears to my eyes, and now I will cry. These days I can let myself cry sometimes.

I sure will miss everybody.

post script.

Another year, another goodbye black box. In this one: a sketch of a deer, to mirror the one she made me. A tarot card: The lovers. A fortune cookie slip: “In a world where you can choose to be anything, you will choose to be kind. Preserved flowes: A rose, some violets. Red Komainu: I have the blue one. Garnet hair pin: Garnet was important to my twin, so now it is important to me.

The box itself: A perfume box. Brand: “Love, don’t be shy. (By Killian).

Taco Bell chicken wings and the ability to change. Part 2:

Incheon Airport, last we spoke, you were telling me how amazing it is. Do you remember?