pig instigator

what is there to blog about with you’re devoid of feeling

a good number of things still i suppose

i went to a job interview today

i watched a lot of people walk in and out of the office

none of them were dressed well

not like me, with my turtleneck and dress pants and long cardigan and shoes resembling the balenciaga speed shoes

none of them had their resume printed out on “bone” white card stock with years of experience on it

i imagine i’m the only one the recruiter told was more “well put together than the other applicants”

one of them was sagging his pants

what a stupid trend, in hindsight.

Some tried to look presentable, it made them seem more pathetic to me as they had failed miserably, i caught one actively struggling not to make eye contact after i noticed him staring.

my thoughts initially skewed this way.

in this prejudiced manner.

and then i thought about how they probably hadn’t been as lucky as i had been to be in the environments and conditions that led to me learning how to look and play the part, to always be the favorite in any corporate environment.

as far as my dark skin will get me anyway.

so i suppose we settled on pity, as i thought about

zap

just like that it’s gone i’ve lost my train of thought, it’s been stolen

madness again

i can hear them up there talking about a lurking monster

i can hear a little girls voice telling me to “nevah evah” open the door we just ran into and shut

auditory hallucinations before you fall asleep are common i’m fairly certain.

there was more.

about realizing today life wasn’t fair in my favor

about how i had time to do all this judging observation because i was asked to sit while i waited for a chef to come from off site to come interview me and my very dope super special resume

about my current lover doing and saying things in the exact same way my previous one true love did

but it’s a lot and i can barely keep my eyes open

and most of all, i just don’t care.