toonami aftermath//yuclair channel

to this day, or at least up until i last saw her, my mom keeps buying the same baby food i was weaned on. Cerelac, it’s this sort of hot cereal, if you put a can in front of me it’ll be gone within two or three hours. i really, REALLY love the stuff.

my mom knows this, so she would buy it, keep it in the pantry, and forbid me having any. Some days, I don’t know what motivated it, but she would allow me to have a bit, but those days were few and far between. She’d keep it in the house, in full view, wouldn’t eat it herself except a few times in front of me, and forbid me from having any. WHY!?

I’m only thinking about this now as an adult . I never questioned it back then.

Anger floods as I recall this all.

In my mind that phrase is repeating

“first in my heart, first in my heart, first in my heart, first in my heart”

You ever seen Blue Valentine? it’s the only film I’ve ever reviewed on Letterboxd

“Man fuck this movie, excellent film though. Character work A1”

⁃ 4/5 Stars

FUCK

I’m thinking again about that conversation I had earlier this year with a two friends, the conversation had turned to discussing stuff we’ve done in bed that we were less than enthusiastic about.

“You could have just said no” they said

“yeah but then they would leave me- oh…

i see.”

But even when I say no, sometimes it still happened so..

Ugh, why am I so pathetic.

I find very often, that whenever I am searching for something, it’s almost always closest to where I was laying when I realized I had lost the thing. I search the whole house, give up, and sit back where I was, only to find the thing there.

Always always always I’ll hear “it was with you all along” or “it was right where you started” and I’ll feel that it was some sort of lesson, and still every time, I search the whole house.