flexx armstrong

i become very jumpy and flinchy around my head chef, i’m not sure why. she’s a sweet enough older lady, i wonder if she’s secretly a psycho murderer and my sixth sense is picking up on it or something kooky like that.

even when she speaks i flinch, it happened quite drastically this morning and i caught some sort of expression flicker across her face. at first i interpreted it as pity, she had a pretty strained reaction when we were talking about being left handed and i explained that they would beat me in my home country for using my left hand. it could have been anything else though, maybe disgust.

it prompted a memory, i visited a friends church and they wanted me to say jesus christs name and accept him as my lord and savior and for some reason the words would just not come out of my mouth!

i wanted to say it but it just wouldn’t come out! one of the old guys starts going off on a tangent about how he’s encountered this once and told me how he understands, and he gets it, and he notices the way i flinch when someone moves towards me as if they’re about to hit me.

sometimes gia will playfully motion as if she’s about to hit me (deservedly, it’s usually after i’ve said some heinous shit) i know she’s a sweetheart and would never actually hit me, but yet still i always flinch.

same in the first psych ward, any slight noise and i’d jump.

heavy heavy heavy sighs