My brother just another me

I streamed for the first time in a few weeks today. Felt good, I often forget how enjoyable I find it. Though I shouldn’t be surprised, after all it is just hanging out with people.

I love spending time with people, even more so on stream, when I’m far away from them and protected behind a screen.

I’m scared to hang out with people in real life. I don’t know when this happened, maybe it’s always been the case. I always flake on invites because I work myself up imagining all the ways I’m going to feel uncomfortable and judged and ugly and so on and so forth.

I’m supposed to go to a costume party tonight, friday the 13th and all that. I’m so scared! There will be so many new people I’d be meeting, and they all have expectations of me already that I feel I will certainly not live up to.

I can’t believe that I of all people am… shy???? I’ve really turned into such a different person in my adult life. Does that mean, the sins of the people I have been so far aren’t my burden to carry any more?

Surely not.

There’s a lucki song trending right now. A line from the hook especially “my brother just anooother me”.

People use the sound and post themselves with their siblings, friends, partners etc.

I really enjoy seeing them but it’s a bitter sweet thing every time. I’m reminded that there’s no one I could replicate the trend with truly, yet at the same time I’m too afraid to go back out there and meet people who could eventually play such roles in my life.

My brother just anoooootha me. It’s really catchy!

I really like Lucki’s music

Chill, mellow, not quite sober.

Often me.

Gloomy weather! I want to move somewhere warm. Every time I look at my phone I see their face and I’m shot once again.

At least I have, at least

I

I have

at least

oh.

Do you ever read these?