Estrogen has made my nails very brittle

“Don’t let the pain control you” 

It’s a very simple thought, but I never had it. 

I’m still watching myself on auto pilot, I get frustrated that I’m still going and doing all the things. I think I need rest, I realized that I haven’t really stopped to allow myself to process everything, and that’s probably why I feel like such shit. I don’t think I know how to rest. 

Maybe I should stop fighting it, I keep forgetting that’s what I want to do, that’s what I want to be like. 

“Don’t let the pain control you” it’s really so simple. It’s still there, there’s nothing I can do about it, but it can’t control me, it just can’t. No one ever could. It was always in my nature to do things on my own terms, that’s why I got in trouble so often. 

I lost my family, I gained more freedom. I don’t want conditional love from family anyway.