apocry6 : good dog

Some time 2 years back my mother underwent a very major and invasive surgery. I hadn’t been around and didn’t know about it but had come home just in time to catch her coming back from the hospital. I’d been grieving and mourning and nursing my own wounds. I’d just spent a long while in a hospital myself, my partner had just left, and my birthday had just passed. Curled up in a ball on my bed for days before, I suddenly was incapable of thinking about myself.

I lay on the floor right outside of her door day and night in case she needed something and was too weak to call out loudly for it. I’d forgotten everything she’d ever said or done to me, I’d forgotten everything I’d ever done or said to her, I’d forgotten everything entirely. All I knew was to lay there and listen, occasionally poke my head in, and then lay back down.

When she could walk again all I knew was to follow her around everywhere just in case. I didn’t get much sleep for those weeks, but I never got tired.

The bake shop I’ve transferred to has a very small kitchen. Everything is small actually. The overall architecture of the island was designed with people of shorter stature in mind. 6’1 ain’t that tall most places but here it’s pretty good. My coworkers are also mostly older women. They gush about my height, and I’m very glad for every opportunity to lift a few hundred pounds of sugar or flour and transport it from the dry storage room on the other side of the hotel. My feet and my back protest, but my heart swells. The head chef, a small japanese man constantly asks “are you okay? are you okay?”

I reassured him jokingly, “you don’t need to worry about me chef, I’m a good boy!”

We both laugh, he gets quite a kick out of the tattoo so it’s become a sort of recurring joke.

It’s not so much of a joke though when I think about it.I love being of use, I love being reliable and loyal, I love forgetting about myself for once, I love to struggle or suffer in place of someone else.

I met a dog while I was on a hike last week. His master said he was only a few months old and I looked at him saying “oh man the world is still so new and exciting to you isn’t it!?” He sniffed my hand, barked, jumped and then ran around in a circle causing the lady holding his leash to lurch a bit before regaining her stability. Everyone laughed at how silly he was but I gotta tell ya I understood.

I say hello to every animal I come across when I’m walking somewhere, but with dogs in particular, I always stop and give them as much extra time and attention as their owners will allow. There are some that I’m very afraid of so I’ll only smile and wave at them, or in some cases,cross the street to avoid. When doing so, I always have the same thought, that it’s very sad they don’t get as much love and attention as the other dogs.

I really understand them too, I understand every dog very deeply.