i love you whatever makes you happy

my little sister sent me multiple fanatic jesusy things this week, culminating in a very very long document which when I read, I genuinely wondered if she was on drugs.

She is gone.

I don’t mind her being religious if that’s what brings her happiness and peace but the content of the messages is just so strange it truly feels like I’m not talking to the same person.

My immediate thought was, “I wonder if my leaving and disconnecting from the family made my parents double down on her to make sure she doesn’t turn out like me” in which case it would be my fault.

Either way I’m devastated. She was my last tether, it’s just me now, it’s just me. I’m free, how devastating.

I had thought about this, I wondered how I would feel if it came to this but i can’t feel anything.

i’m going back to sleep.

maybe i’m an idiot, maybe the church is right, maybe i can’t escape

was i asking for too much out of life?

the world just goes on

i don’t know anything