Remove that button on the front page with korean text leading to the playlist meant for only them so that they’d know I was always and perpetually thinking about them.

I had this frustration for a few years where I’d be typing on my phone and need to go back in the middle of a word or sentence to edit something but could never quite click the right position on the word for the cursor to land exactly where I needed to make the edit. Eventually I gave up trying and just defaulted to deleting entire words or sentences every time.

One day I was watching my husband type something on her phone and my mind was blown when I saw them press and hold the space bar which allowed them to move the cursor precisely where they needed to in any direction! My mind was blown! I thought it was a new feature but he said no, it had been there for quite a while. To her it was no big deal, but to me, mind blowing!

I write long paragraphs on my phone every single day, and so every single day I use that thing he taught me. Press and hold the space bar, move the cursor wherever I need. I do it every single day, multiple times a day. And every time I do it, I think of them, an image of the moment I saw her do it flashes behind my eyes.

Every single time, every single day. Without fail.

Isn’t that funny? Imagine being immortalized in such a ubiquitous way.

I doubt he’d remember, I’m almost certain she wouldn’t. But me? forever and ever.

So many little things like this make it impossible to forget him. Imagine someone permeating every aspect of your life despite only knowing them for such a short time.

It’s amazing.

post script:

One day I will get a tiny black kitten and name it Thumbelina. I will give it all of my love, all of myself. It will be impossible for me to hurt it in any way and I will give it the best life a cat can hope for.

And when this happens, when I’m somewhere I don’t feel the need to run away from, and know I will be there long enough to keep a pet, to buy furniture, and all of those things.

I will know on that day that I am healed, and finally have a home.

“because, in the end, Laura still gets an angel. Despite everything, she still gets an angel!”

“and we will too?”

“Yes.”