worldstar money interlude original version from like 10 years ago

“I always wonder what the chefs eat, what do you guys make for yourselves?!”

Says a customer.

I tell them that I typically stick to south asian and african foods.

It’s not entirely a lie.

I don’t want to ruin their fantasy, the image they enjoy in their heads of a passionate chef quickly whipping together something simple but vibrant and beautiful at the end of each arduous day.

It’s goop. It’s a gray goop that has all the vitamins my body so selfishly demands. I choose the original flavor, that tastes like nothing. In the same vein of my monochromatic closet, one less thing to think about. I find more enjoyment in making food and watching people eat it, than I do in eating it myself.

Nausea, gas, soreness, anxiety, dissonant whispers feeding the dysphoria. I can’t …*stomach* it heheheh.

It saves me a lot of money too, 50 bucks for 12 days of nutrition is a lot less than I’d spend on groceries or eating out.

I feel like it’s an insult though somehow. To food, to the craft, to people who fed me along the way. I’ll try to make it up to them!

A few weeks ago I saw this golden, long chair thing. It was asymmetrical, perfect to lay in and read. Only 45$

I didn’t have the money! When I did, it was gone.

I stop by that same thrift store every day now. I know it’s unlikely I’ll ever see it again, but I go anyway.

Today, again, there was nothing. There were also no cheap boots in my size at the vintage military surplus store I could grab to equip myself against the coming change in weather. There was no gold nail polish or white mascara at walgreens, no rieslings.

Nothing nothing, nothing nothing.

You just missed the last one sorry!

I started making them another playlist today. Stuff they could use to dj, stuff that reminds me of them.

I’ll probably never send it.

My brain is so foggy, ahhh

I can’t write ahhhh

I feel okay though, I feel, I feel fine.

I feel…

I can see my body on my bed!

Why can’t I eat? I have waakye! I love waakye! It’s better than jollof!!! why can’t..