i’ve been sleeping with the lights on

i talked to andy and another em tonight

i’d given up on texting both of them because i feel like im always the one reaching out and like im bothering them

andy just happened to text me

i just happened to run into em on the way to walgreens to buy cigarettes

it was very dark out, i’m wearing all black, i put my head down and i hid in the shadows to make room for them to reasonably not see me and not feel obligated to talk to me

they called out to me anyway

i bought my usual, american spirits, black.

it’s been months since i smoked.

we sat on the bench in the backyard smoked and talked.

one of them walked into lake michigan

one of them is planing their wedding and talking about getting a house having kids

and i’m thinking of ending things

it’s important to me that i was a good boy

autumn in new england

i felt closer to complete there

especially at twilight

when everything was oddly quiet

the end.