Magnolias are very old, and I love them.
I was writing a rather charged and sultry entry for today, but then my program crashed and I lost all my progress. I took it as a sign! It was rather filthy after all, I talked about licking and spitting on someone’s tongue, and sweaty summer sex, my favorite talking stage returning, one of my exes reaching out to me, and how I ignored it but also remembered how incredibly she rode me, the dreams I’ve been having recently about fucking you, you, and yu, etc etc. But actually, it started with me talking about how a few days ago, I danced freely as I made breakfast for myself and listened to a secret playlist I’m cultivating. I talked about the perfect way to fry-poach an egg, the bacon, two slices of brioche and three dashes of siracha mayo. The point was, I had a good day and made some good decisions, but funny enough, that same night I was pushed to draft my suicide note while I smoked on the bench outside the park at 2am (I had bought cigarettes a few nights prior, for the first time in many years). The day after, I thought about how I wanted to start going to yoga classes, and start pressing flowers in books. All this while twisting my hair in delirium at 4am. I wanted to go to the bookstore I was supposed to be working at, pick up a load of books on the discount shelves and fill them with the almost dead flowers from the nearby grocery store. I want to stuff them full. I talked about how one autumn, my girlfriend told me she could feel it in her stomach, and for the next few days I felt whole again. I had thoughts about the sound of liquid splattering onto the floor, and how that’s an inherently sexual sound to me, while at the same time thinking of what kind of splatter a body would make. Well I should say, my body would make as I fell from my patio.
It was a really messy entry to our dear old blog, I felt very charged and full of virile energy today after all, but now it’s bed time, once again it’s me and my glue trap. Not so bad I suppose! Not too bad a day, would have been better if I nutted inside someone, or got a hug but yknow, c’est la vie. Today at work someone asked if I had any siblings, I responded with “I don’t have any family at all.” The person then said “you’ve got me now!” She’s really quite something, probably the best salesman I’ve seen! You wouldn’t expect it from a rowdy fat black woman like herself, or at least I didn’t! But I was thoroughly impressed really. I have long hair now, the internet people like me better, I like myself a tiny bit better. Today’s entry was supposed to be about a bunch of good things because I don’t wanna always be gloom and doom, but I think if I’m being honest, I’m just a bit of a gloomy person, and I live a bit of a gloomy life. But that has its own charm so, not so horrible I guess. I’m rambling now, I think there’s something I'm forgetting, maybe the part about the smell of someone’s sweat. I don’t know, it’s been a very hectic few days.
How are you guys doing? hope you’re alright! If you’re the person from omaha nebraska that reads this blog every day, I love you! I think that’s such a cute name for a place, omaha nebraska
