fatal reminiscence

it makes me feel very foolish when i reach out to a friend, text them first, only for them to ignore or forget the text.

i know everyone has a lot going on, but my ego really doesn’t like it, in an “i descended from my ivory tower of apathy because actually i care about you or feel i can count on you for help and you have spat in my face.” sort of way.

every twelve minutes or something like that is how often people check their phones apparently.

anyways, while some aspects of my mind goes, others are revived and sharpened. namely my memory. my once perfect and impeccable memory is returning to me.

unfortunately, the more i remember, the worse the story gets.

my thought process lately has been, “doesn’t matter, i can take it” that’s all it really comes down to.

“if you can take it then shut up and do so, if not, kill yourself.”

yes precisely that.

anyway, the more i remember the worse the story turns out to be.

i can take it, just fact of the matter. a result of the life and luck i was given. it has been terrible and i have survived much, so i know i am capable.

but also, i have had enough.