a series of scrapped suicide notes

text from a friend, almost once lover after reading recent blog entries:

“God I have not been keeping up with the blog posts I’m a fake fan, horrible.”

“it’s all just suicide note templates nothing worth reading honestly you’re so fine” i responded.

post script

on the walk home from work a car drove by me with a sticker that said “if you’re looking for a sign to live this is it”

part of being crazy is being very susceptible to ideas of signs, omens, whispers in the wind etc.

post post script:

one thing i think no one would ever be able to guess about me just by seeing me on the street is that i really love aquariums.

its entirely nonsensical but i would love for the first thought people have about me when you hear that i finally did it, that i died and im finally at peace to be:

“oh,they really loved aquariums…”

even more post than that script

what am i thinking of here at the end uhhhm

i’m honestly just seeing an image of a girl in a peasant dress running through a field of wild flowers and tall grass at sunset

feels like i know her or i am her

she’s laughing