Nice things will come

As everyone knows it’s been a fucked up couple of months for your friendly neighborhood aniki, aka Cash $inclair, aka honey please come home I miss you, aka Mommy, aka count caliban, aka manwhore etc etc . I’d been goin through it but suddenly this week it’s all really crashing down upon me and I’ve been having those thoughts again, except even angstier this time(can you believe it?). Sorta like, “I can’t keep living this life” “ No one survives their life” “I won’t survive my daily experiences.!” Every time someone in chat mentions they’re struggling in this way I go outta my way to scream at em all this hyper inspirational rhetoric about not being the creature that was defeated, and carrying the weight, and being worthy of their suffering. I always feel like a hypocrite because after those moments I’ll sit there in silence thinking about how deep in the hole I myself usually am. I’ve been rewatching One Piece with my roommate and there was a moment I’d long forgotten about. This character’s mom says “if you live through it, nice things will come afterwards” or something like that. I don’t know if I believe it but it struck a chord with me yknow? 

I start work in a few weeks, got 2 jobs goin! Gonna save up for a really nice stream & video set up to return to you all with then go full time with the content stuff. Then hopefully I can find contentment or maybe even be happy for once.I figure if I make a public declaration I’ll be beholden to it and have to see it through so that’s what this is.  

A few days ago a nice girl I’ve been  talking to said “so long!” when it came time to say our good nights to each other, I forgot that’s a phrase people use! It’s so fun and lovely isn’t it?! 

So long!