Rapture
Where were you guys?
Well, you and caliban were wrestling. There’s not really enough space when that’s going on. We’re mostly forgotten.
I see.
Well, I was telling her about mom and dad yknow? all the classic stories
Ah, that’s why.
I’m trying to recall what happened but someone is wiping the memory.
That’d be Gaston
I see. Hmmm. Gaston please stop, it’s okay I promise.
Ah there it is.
Wow, crazy how that works.
Innit?
So I was telling her, and I said, “I could burst into tears right now talking about it.”
She goes,
“really?” I’m looking at her face and she’s genuinely in disbelief.
Yeah
So I respond, “yes, I’m on the verge of tears speaking about this”
She says “It doesn’t seem that way to me at all, I’m getting lost in the story rather than the experience, you seem very disconnected to it all”
I realized it was happening again.
Caliban?
Yep.
Bless him.
I was really trying to express the feelings too!
She asks, “What’s stopping you from going there?”
From crying she meant
Right
And I responded, “I just don’t have to”
She dropped the topic at that point. I’m not sure if that in itself was an answer, like she got what she needed from that yknow?
Yeah maybe.
So now I realize
That’s not how emotions work?
Correct.
The feeling is there, it exists. I can recognize it, I just can’t necessarily feel it yknow?
Yeah that makes sense.
I also told her I’d kill and eat my parents if I was around them for long enough.
Yeesh
HAHAHA I know right? I haven’t felt anger in a while
Yeah
I can respect anger though, I can work with and let that be there as opposed to being the kicked puppy all the time yknow?
I get it
The consequences of revisiting those memories have been dire.
So Caliban’s time?
Yeah.
I think it’s for the best if I’m locked away, otherwise I’ll land us all in jail or dead in a ditch yknow?
I get it.
If people are a product of their environment right?
Mhm
Then the worst people are from the worst environments?
Yup!
And they deserve the most compassion then?
I think so at least.
I have more in common with the people I dislike more than the people I want to be around then?
That’s often the case beloved.
It’s okay then? that I am this thing?
It was always okay darling, you were always loved.
Thank you, thank you Avalo.
Goodbye baby
Maman?
Yes my love?
I fear I may not be capable of ever truly loving someone
I know sugar
Goodbye maman!
Thank you for your work Caliban.
Naturally.
